Wise Words:
When life gives you lemons -- PUCKER UP!
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Thursday, October 31, 2002
the three Rs - plus one
I intentionally waited a while to post -- did the suspense kill you? I sure wish it did. :)
Yes, I survived the ordeal at the "Upstate Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery" office; details on that below. I've been so keen on watching The Amazing Race that it might need be deemed my New TV Obsession; behold my summary of this week's episode. Also in this post we'll encounter an old, useless friend (read: TOTAL WASTE OF MONEY) and learn what really drives people to do the weirdest stuff for the nation's entertainment. Happy clicking:
recuperation | race | rip-off redux | rear ends
Recuperation: Friday was the fated day that I and my first pre-molars were forever parted. I got to the office only a few minutes late (good for me) and within a quarter of an hour they had me behind closed doors. The nurse first stuck a breathing mask on me and started pumping nitrous oxide. They had mentioned the oxide to me before, but it didn't dawn on me until then: wait a second, isn't that laughing gas? By the time the dentist showed up I was off-and-on chuckling; a little later, while he was sticking me to get my IV fixed up, he asked me if I was a student or if I worked, at which point the gas was a perfect excuse for me to just laugh at the question. After trying my right elbow and hand the IV finally stuck into my left elbow; all the while I asked the dentist what side-effects there were to laughing gas and he told me that around the time of the world wars they found out that it can cause bone marrow to go "necrose"... so I ended up drifting away while dreaming of early 20th-century women wearing corsets, socializing in their parlors, snorting the gas from tanks in the corners of the rooms... When I woke they had gauzed me up well. I was very groggy; the nurse helped me limp to a recliner, where I promptly fell asleep. I either had or dreamt a conversation with the nurse about sign language, after which my dad picked me up. I haven't felt much pain at all, and by yesterday the gums were pretty much healed. My parents hardly spoiled me at all: I only got to eat ice cream once, on the day of the surgery, and I took some pain medicine for the first 2 days although I didn't need it.
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Update on the Amazing Race: Before we get into the nitty-gritty of this week's show, I'm posting some short descriptions of the as-yet-uneliminated contestants. (Can anyone tell I'm obsessed with this show?) I'm sure you people are too good for television anyway.
**If anyone can tell me how the hell I can get rid of this white space, let me know.**
| team members | descriptions (partly from CBS.com) |
|---|
| Aaron & Arianne (AA) | LLF (life-long friends), drama & speech majors; both rather emotionally unstable
"Aaron & Arianne are fluent in both body language and the international language of love" |
| Andre & Damion (AD) | "Team 911" - cop & fireman friends; level-headed but sly dawgs |
| Derek & Drew (DD) | the Doublemint bastards - need I say more?
team DD: "the most important element to getting ahead in the Race is cleanliness" |
| Flo & Zach (FZ) | friends from college; wacky & easy-going |
| John Vito & Jill (JJ) | Vito was Jill's brother's best friend; Jill originally applied with said brother but he died on 9/11; now dating |
| Ken & Gerard (KG) | "the odd couple brother Team"; fun-loving, friendly, world-wise goof-offs; 2 of 8 siblings |
| Michael & Kathy (MK) | East Coast-West Coast LTR
"Their primary motivation for going on the Race is to see how compatible they are as a couple" |
| Teri & Ian (TI) | married parents; in the words of a fellow contestant, Ian is one "rude American" |
Now the update:
Teams were to go from their pit stop (the Torre de Belem in Lisbon, Portugal) to "the westernmost point of continental Europe," Cabo da Roca, Portugal. Teams KG & DD were out the gate first, but AD was close enough behind them to catch up with them. After they realized that AD were leeches sucking their blood and won't let go (and when AD started offering them money), KG & DD allowed AD into their alliance. The team threesome took a train ride to Cabo da Roca, although they were beaten by team AA & JJ, who went by taxi.
At the Coba de Roca the teams had to reach the coastline, either by rappelling or hiking. Teams AA & JJ rappelled fine; teams FZ & MK arrived next. Flo started rappelling, began crying like a baby and FZ hiked instead. MK made it down via rope, as did TI. Those 5 teams were on their way to Algecieras, Spain in cars they drove themselves when the tri-team-irate (if you will) arrived -- of course, all 3 teams made it down quickly by rappelling and started on their drive.
This is the good part: teams AA, AD, TI, FZ and JJ noted that they needed gas, so they each pulled into gas stations and filled their tanks. The problem? The cars required diesel and teams AA, TI, FZ and MK all filled with unleaded. Team AA were graced by the pull-over of a policeman; Ian may be a "rude American," but at least he knew how to empty the gas tank with a siphon hose; FZ got help from the nearby auto shop. MK, on the other hand, noticed that they had pulled over by a four-star hotel and decided to enjoy it while they could. (I wonder if CBS footed the bill.) The idiot team members asked themselves whether the cars needed diesel or not but didn't bother to check. Meanwhile, team JJ and the tri-team-irate (KG, DD, AD) make their way to Algercias and board a middle-of-the-night ferry to Tangiers, Morocco.
[I have to add here that it seems that some gas tanks were full -- that's the impression that I get from the program, since KG and DD didn't stop for gas, or at least we didn't see them stopping. Whatever happened to a level playing field, hm?]
From Tangiers, teams took charter buses to Fez, also in Morocco, and there had to find a tannery; in 3 of the 25 foul-smelling vats at the tannery were the clues to the next step of the race. (Teri read the "foul-smelling" part of the clue and lovingly told her husband that the challenge was suited for him.) The tri-team-irate, first to arrive, are first to leave and drive themselves to the pit stop, a 420-year-old fortress named Borj Nord. KG beat DD to first place (finally!), with AD behind; DD get lost in the city but still wind up 3rd. JJ and FZ tie for 4th, followed by TI. AA thought they were goners because they arrived in Tangiers a day later than the rest, but they made it before the now-eliminated MK, who took their sweet precious time at the hotel. (Who can blame them?)
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Rip-off: Remember the Emerson switchboard? I bought it a month ago, thinking it'll solve my Internet woes, ie the battle between me & parental unit over the phone line. After several months of the product being on the market, yon local news channel finally put it to the test in the "Does it work?" installment of the evening news. The answer: OF COURSE NOT, YOU DOLTS! I could've told you that long ago - or better yet, YOU could ME that so I wouldn't have had to spend SIXTY FREAKING DOLLARS for that piece of ****!!! Shee-zus. (Addendum: local news channel gives the Emerson switchboard a "D" for its inability to keep a person online while on the phone. Oh yeah, and the user never got his fax too. Surprised?)
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Rear ends: Another TV-oriented note: this week's episode of Fear Factor could've been better were it not for one contestant who wanted money for nothing other than butt implants. Yes BUTT IMPLANTS; yes the guy's an obvious fruitcake, enteraining as it waS to hear him encourage himself: "You can do this! You're this close to a new pair of buttcheeks!" What sucks worst of all, though, is that Mr. Fruitcake won the $50K - even if the other contestants had, um, higher motives, eg supporting the family. The moral, if there ever is one: the good guys don't win.
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01:55
Thursday, October 24, 2002
an amazing race... a (hopefully) amazing smile
(subtitled: Harvard girls get it, ha ha ha)
Ever since watching my first episode of The Amazing Race last week, I've gotten highly interested, mainly because we're talking about world travel here... with all expenses paid... and for a million bucks, too! Thus, here are the highlights from today's episode of the Amazing Race 3. Trust me, it's worth reading.
- The teams that were in 1st and 2nd place, respectively, were the detestable twins, Derek and Drew (DD) and the goofy but endearing (and balding) brothers, Ken & Gerard (KG). Pretty much everyone in the game loathes the twins, with very good reason: they've been 1st since the beginning. You can imagine who I’m rooting for (hint: certainly not the models/ actors/ snooty rich asshole identical humans). Yah. So seeing as they have much in common (the fact that each team is comprised of brothers, I guess), these 2 teams formed a small alliance to get them through the first leg of the journey, which is basically to get their asses from their last stop (a 7th-century castle in Scotland) to the local Stockhaven airport, and from there to fly to Porto, Portugal. What's great about this little challenge is that the teams, under the persuasion of the ever-sage twins, chose to take an early morning flight from Stockhaven to Cologne, Germany, and from there to go to Portugal. Besides that, at the Cologne stop the brothers had half an hour to get from one gate to the next. Things looked pretty good when they got to the gate five minutes late and were welcomed by an attendant who reminded them that "you need your boarding passes" (dear Derek and Drew obviously forgot that part). Well, those twins must have a SHITLOAD of luck along with their fuckingly gorgeous good looks, because that attendant actually had the plane stalled while their boarding passes were printed. And they were so close to losing!!! AAARGH!!!!
shitufckdamnsdosk7(*&^&^%^%$#$))*&* 2QY4
*censored material*
- In Portugal, the teams had a small task of wine delivery. They had two choices:
- If a team chose the "old school" way, they had to roll one (1) 90-pound barrel of port onto a traditional Portaguese canoe and, with the help of a few crew members, row it across the river to deliver the wine to a restaurant on that shore. Sounds easier than it apparently was.
- The "new school" involved a truck and cases of wine, but they had to deliver three (3) cases each to three (3) different restaurants in the city, making for a total of nine (9) cases. And along with that, they had to deliver them in a particular order.
DD & KG, having gotten to the challenge much earlier before the others, took the "old school" route, finished it with finesse (somewhat, in KG's case; of course for DD). Three teams somewhere in the middle of the race were Andre & Damon (AD), Heather & Eve (HE), and John Vito & Jill (JJ). AD were the first ones to arrive at the port lodge, to pack their truck and to get going. What's HILARIOUS is that before they left their first stop, the teams of HE and JJ showed up: HE arrived in front of AD, JJ behind them. Thus AD were stuck waiting for HE, two skinny weakling law students from HARVARD, to deliver those heavy heavy cases of wine. Andre ended up helping them get the wine from their truck to the restaurant interior (anybody can trust him with the wine, right? especially after he broke a case while loading his team's truck), but even after that poor Eve had trouble with the gear shift while driving the truck. It was great, listening to team AD crack that "they didn't go to HARVARD" and yelling, "TAKE CARE: AMERICAN DRIVER IN FRONT!" - but even better was watching Eve plow that truck into a street post, with a crowd of native Portuguese staring at her. (I'm still chuckling just thinking about it.)
- The last team to reach the pit stop is eliminated, ie they're out of the race and out of a shot for a million dollars (as if the sightseeing and all that free fun ain't enough); the last leg of the journey, after a really stupid challenge on a soccer field, consisted of a mile-and-a-half walk to a "Tower of Belem" (I'd try to replicate the Portuguese here if I actually knew any). Team HE arrived at the soccer field last, or so they could only imagine, as they assumed that all the teams in front of them left them behind and they had no idea where the rest were. Tuckered out as they were, these two HARVARD law girlies called a cab to take them to the Tower - even though the instructions explicitly said to walk (I know because I, like the rest of the viewers, heard all nine teams read the instructions to themselves). When they reached the goal they certainly seemed a bit too surprised that they were in first place - this from a team who's usually, oh, seventh or eighth. But, as if the camera crews weren't following them the entire time, HE 'fess up that, yes, they did in fact do the wrong thing. Not necessarily cheat: Heather claims they "misread" the clue - and besides, these two HARVARD law students debated a while what "walk" meant). Because of the "misreading," team HE got a half-hour added to their time; add the fact that it took each team an average of 7 minutes to foot it to the tower, for a total of 37 mins. Now consider that all the teams made it to the pit stop within 31 minutes of each other... that's right, the "misreading" bopped team HE down to last place. And last place = elimination. Can we say, SHOVE THOSE IVY LEAVES UP YOUR BUTTS? Behold, a rare spectacle:
:-D
Now if only they can get rid of the "Doublemint twins"... that would certainly double my pleasure.
Moving on....today was the day for my first orthognathic consultation in Charlotte. (Orthognathic... gotta love that word!) Yes, the Queen City is code-red close to that place, DC; as much as I didn't want to be near that hellhole, according to my ortho, the person I went to see is pretty damn good. (Want proof? He's written a few textbooks on the subject of orthognathic and maxiliar surgery.) I was worried that he'd be a bit sketchy, but they were very professional up there. What scares the shit out of me, though, is not only are they going to mess with my jaw, but also my chin. Who knew I was that ugly? (SHOVE IT, PEANUT GALLERY.) And to think, I'd be undergoing what basically amounts to cosmetic surgery... This is where I'd normally add a rant about how superficial and skin-deep Americans are, how only physical appearance matters in this neck of the woods, and ultimately how much I hate this society for that reason (and more). But I'll spare you all that and also tell you that come Friday I will be in a fuckload of pain, for 'tis the day that I have my second bicuspids extracted to make room for the rest of my teethies. I've told them to put me to sleep, but sadly they won't heed my wish of making it a permanent slumber. Dammit.
00:41
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
a TV-oriented post
OK, I think I've had enough time since the last post to recuperate from all the slander and negatory remarks I received about my dim-witted assault on DC. I know it was stupid idiotic just plain du CRAZY of me to have gone, but a friend's gotta do what a friend's gotta do, right?
But a problem seems to have arisen: people -- semi-close friends I guess you'd call them -- are asking me to come visit them. I wonder if the news of my visit has leaked out...
But anyway. Staying true to the heading of this post, I must mention that I don't watch the TV much. (Imagine that, after spending so much time in front of this screen! Especially today, after spending maybe SIX hours trying to figure out what the heck what things like this <colgroup> do.) However, each time I do watch some TV it prompts me to say something (not necessarily intelligent).
- For starters, has anyone seen the CBS show The Amazing Race? This season's cast pisses me off -- by that I mean I hate the twins. They seem too... well, perfect. And check out what I learned about dear David and Andrew from the CBS page about the show:
Derek and Drew believe that the most important element to getting ahead in the Race is cleanliness. Drew is making sure he packs his toothpaste, toothbrush and dental floss, and says, "It's nearly impossible to communicate effectively with bad breath." Derek reveals that he won't leave home without his deodorant. "I just hope to maintain a reasonable level of cleanliness and odor while on the race. Otherwise, it's almost impossible for people to deal with you," he says.
I can only shudder and think how much they resemble my image-conscious, Armani-wearing brother.
- Today's episode of Fear Factor was annoying. Actually, the show wasn't annoying, but one of the contestants certainly was. I appreciated the ethnic diversity of the group this time around, and it was great to see the two non-Caucasian people make it to the final round -- but that Thai guy... that's his actual name, btw... with a mouth like his, I think I'd approve if someone told me to shove it full of worms! The little punk kept calling poor Velasquez a "bitch" -- and yet what happens? Mr. Thai wins the money!!! Even if Velasquez actually had the upper hand, what with experience behind the wheel, that asshole gets the fifty grand! I only hope he uses that money to get him some speech therapy sessions.
- Finally, this isn't strictly tied to television: if ever I retire early (ha) with plenty of money in my pocket (ha X 2), I think I'd enjoy spending some time learning from le chocolatier himself, Monsieur Jacques Torres -- you guys should have seen the candy spread he had made for his Halloween episode. C'était magnifique!
As a postscript, I'd like to add that I'm glad to have finally learned that I can type François Truffaut's name properly, with the cedilla under the "c". It feels sooo good to be orthographically correct.
01:31
Thursday, October 17, 2002
Why did I do it?
I guess I ought to talk about this, as I see that many of you can't make sense of it all. (And for the record, neither can I.)
First of all, I can definitely tell you that I do NOT miss DC, the majority of people there, the wardens, the jailbirds, the electric chairs... and I can definitely tell you that going back there was not / is not/ will never be easy for me. After all those years, I can't think about that place without dread and much, much angst and pure, undistilled frustration (as many of you already know).
But, yes, visit I did. I know it sounds crazy, but I made myself do it. It certainly wasn't easy to go there and to see the same old haunts (but not venture into them). And the fear of running into people who might recognize me or know me made me very afraid indeed.
I went because a friend asked me to; because I've never formally mentioned this person before I won't tell who so humbly begged me to visit (though most of you can guess who it is... and as for those of you who can't, well, tough shit). But I truly enjoyed having met this person and talking with him or her while I was there, spending hours helping each other with our studies, or listening to each other complain about the state of both our local and global surroundings. I was touched by this person's concern and compassion, for strangers as well as close friends, and I thought it kind that this person would want to see someone like me. So let them indulge in their desires I did.
Thankfully no bad memories haunted my mind as I arrived, and I spent the vast majority of my time up there in places that were reasonable: the top floor of the library, the union, the parking lot. And I had those whom I was visiting understand that they were to scout for me and make sure no one I knew was in the place I was about to enter.
With all the annoying people and the stress gone, the place isn't too bad-- so long as one can handle knowing that blood, sweat, tears, mucus, bile, pus, urine, feces AND millions and millions of dollars were spent building the facades that the outside world saw, while the rest of the place was crumbling into flecks of dust.
Let it be known that I would not put my sanity, my self, in danger as I did that day for any person: you must submit a topic proposal, followed by an appllication for aid and several papers covered in small print awaiting your signature. And yes, you must be a good friend too.
Before I forget: I'd like to thank Megan for posting that second link concerning Les Quatre Cents Coups-- it's actually rather insightful. I finally got off my polished rear to copy them so I can follow them along with the film, which ought to give me something to do besides sitting on aforementioned rear all day.
16:06
Tuesday, October 15, 2002
excerpt from the homeless guy's blog... and other random stuff
Link complements of PhiloSlam... here's something that I found painfully honest. It's in response to some negative messages this guy has received for his blog.
[A]ll the negative messages have expressed, in one way or another, a belief that weakness in people is either immoral, or unethical. And, they reject the idea of giving respect to any person who admits to having weaknesses. Of course, this is funny, and also sad, since we all have weaknesses. Denying weakness within others necessitates denying weakness within ourselves. And, it only seems logical that denying a very real aspect of one's self, albeit weakness, is an even greater weakness. My blog is a confession of weakness. Yet, as the positive response to my website grows, so does its power. Yes, there is power in weakness, in my ability to admit my weakness. And this scares some people.
Moving on, to rather random stuff:
I swear that new jewelry commercial (Skatell's?) uses the theme from "In the Mood for Love"-- the triple meter, the cello, the pizzicato rhythms adding a waltz-like flavor to the music... somebody tell me if I'm wrong.
I must share this dream because I find it so weird: the other day I dreamt that I had found a green larva-type creature crawling on the floor of our house. To win some good karma, instead of pancaking it I picked it up gently and held it for a while. And then it started shitting: it began excreting something white, much like itself only smaller. I didn't think much of it, just picked it up and chucked it in the trash. And then it excreted another one, and another one, and each one at a faster rate. I put it back on the floor, unsure of what to do with it, all the while it shitting out these mini-larvae... and it began swelling, swelling so large that each segment of its body was as large as a golf ball until it started convulsing... I remember running into my room then, just as it was about to explode; and the next thing I know is that the larvae are gone and my brother's in the hallway, spraying the floor with Windex and disinfectant. He turns to me, says, "Just let the disinfectant sit for 10 minutes and wipe it up," and leaves. And then I turn and notice my father in his room, calmly writing at his desk, apparently having noticed nothing the entire time. Very odd dream, yes?
22:26
Saturday, October 12, 2002
yes, I'm a geek.
Glad we got that out of our system, aren't we?
Now then: this weekend there was a used book sale sponsored by the library... so of course, like the nerd I am, I went. And left with a tall stack:
Essential Japanese Grammar
The Floating World in Japanese Fiction
Folk Traditions in Japanese Art
Barron's French Idioms
Dictionnaire des oeuvres et des themes de la litterature francaise
Theatre de Moliere (includes Le Tartuffe and L'ecole de maris)
Le nouveau guide France: manuel de civilisation francaise
an adapted version of The 3 Musketeers
Ca ne va pas, Charlie Brown -- Charlie Brown, in French!
Playboy Partywitze und cartoons -- Playboy, in German!
I also found a score of Mozart's Symphony no. 40 in G minor, a book on the music of early Greece, a book of French folk songs, and the 10th year anniversary issue of Granta (issue 28). There was also a collection of short stories by Can Xue, and even though I'd never heard of the writer I decided to get it just because LM was so pleased of herself to have gotten to meet this woman last year -- and have her interview on the web, which frankly wasn't very impressive (both the web page and the interview).
The good news is that all this only cost me TEN DOLLARS. The bad news... if there is any... um.... well, my room just got a bit dustier and more cramped, but it's not like I have books lying around the whole house anyway.
And I didn't even leave with what I hoped to get!
12:22
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
Operation Enduring Fi-dom
OK, this is my little dedication to the fangirl "who wants to be a teaboy when she grows up," ever complaining about how rarely I update (thank Windows XP + IE6 + Netscape6 + dial-up for that). As requested: a fully detailed "day in the life of" yours truly.
Be happy: normally this work would be done by an official biographer, but since you guys love me so much (ha) I decided to make an exception.
****
Got up today. At noon. With effort. Went to computer, sat in front of computer. Turned on computer by pressing "power" button; eventually commenced playing SimTower. [Yes, I know the game is, like, soooo mid-90s, but it was only $6 at Wal-Mart. Yes, I'm a cheap bastard -- but at least one who knows how to buy well (and with patience).] Began building condos like maniac, raking in dough, having dear thirty-story Simtenants deal with one-car elevator shafts.
Ego filled for the day; now for the stomach. Struggled to kitchen, made self cup of milk tea. Rummaged through fridge. Found tuna salad, grabbed lettuce and bread. Made sandwich. (Why tuna salad for breakfast? Technically, it was brunch, so bite me.) Finished eating; headed to living room TV. Learned that the "Maryland Madman" killed 13-year-old teenager at middle-school. Thought: Jesus, is America a motherfuckedup country. Listened as parents not cleverly deduced that shootings are the work of terrorists. (I think not.) Headed to toilet with personal copy of Charlie Chan is Dead to... well, you know. Emerged from bathroom, victorious and in splendid glory. Headed to bedroom to finish story begun in battle. Contemplated updating and revising resume; decided project would encompass effort and thus was dismissable. Snacked on end product of group effort to create sweet potato creme brulee (mother's whim inspired by Emeril Lagasse of Food Network fame).
Sat on ass for many hours.
6 PM: Watched CBS Evening News with Dan Rather. Learned that new Afghan regime might treat its women just as Taliban regime did, complete with Department of Vice & Virtue. [I'm not sure of the title, but it definitely included those last words. Can't teach an old country new methods of civil liberty, eh?] Met 11-year-old with IQ of 200 attending college in CA; as state legislature debates whether state ought to pay for education of gifted children, said gifted child tells CBS reporter what his favorite equation is in a very high-pitched, nerdy tone ("Sine squared X equals cosine squared X..."). Smirked.
8 PM: Headed into father's room to watch beloved President show us yet again how much of a fool he really is. Began listening to speech in earnest; got bored and leafed through old issues of Newsweek as time passed. Laughed heartily each time Dubya used the phrase, "one hunnert percent". Was relieved when (and that) speech ended in half an hour.
11 PM-ish: Decided to open ASL book after neglecting it for 2 days. Opened to chapter 3; began studying vocab when ALL OF A SUDDEN the Frustrated Lipstick Lover called. (You know who you are.) Talked about odds and ends... and evens and beginnings, too. Was surprised but enthralled by caller's news.
Hung up phone; began staring at computer screen and forcing Simoffice workers to climb ten flights of stairs to reach lobby.
****
There, happy? Wasn't that intriguing? Wasn't that the most interesting thing you've ever read? Wasn't that a COMPLETE WASTE OF EVERYONE'S TIME, PARTICULARLY MY OWN SINCE I TYPED IT ALL? Harumph. I should be PAID to type all this crap... next time, I'll have you contact my agent.
02:08
Wednesday, October 02, 2002
Yes, folks, I survived the ordeal @ the ortho. First thing that pissed me off: my mom warned me that I had to be there a half-hour early, as supposedly one of the assistants had told her; of course I get there early and END UP WAITING. Piss-off #2: they put the brackets on, not the wires. Why, you ask? Because I need to have some teeth extracted. Now what is the point of having the brackets on without the wires? Couldn't we wait until after the extractions to get all this shit in? And it's not like these brackets are doing anything without wires--I mean, they're scraping my insides of my mouth up really nicely, but they're not doing anything productive in there without the wires.
Piss-off #3: I had to be up at NINE A.M. in order to make it that damn half-hour early. Everyone: never, ever, EVER ask me to be up at that god-forsaken hour. EVER.
Speaking of which: thanks for the e-card, Elvisette. Bitch.
And speaklng of thanks: in response to my questions about the Truffaut film, Megan unearthed an article-biography on Andre Bazin, to whom the film is dedicated. I'll look into that and see if I can pan out any gold.
So much modern time, aka London-calling: we here @ the WHoB grieve at the loss of the website and hope for more cyber Fi-dom in the future.
02:13
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